Photo by: Ben Solomon

Sometimes interviewing people who are looking to be interviewed is boring. Who cares about when your album drops, a woman might be president! And her opponent is a Satan reboot with skin discoloration! It seems like everything is exploding with new twists and turns and we want to know what you have to say about it. With Person of Interest we are looking for individualized takes on what’s happening in the world.

Paulie James lives in Los Angeles by way of Queens and this fall he is finally opening up Uncle Paulie’s, his own sandwich spot in West Hollywood.

Tell me more about this restaurant!

The restaurant is something me and my partner grew up on, it’s called Uncle Paulie’s. In New York, we grow up going to delis, grabbing sandwiches before you go to the beach and lunch is eating on the hood of your car. There’s not that much of that culture out here, as far as like sandwiches go. You know, ordering your fresh iced tea with some salad, that type of vibe.

Would you say that’s the one thing you miss about New York?

Yeah, and in Los Angeles you have drive everywhere. That’s kind of tough, but it’s also an advantage in itself because it means you don’t have to see anyone.

Yeah, it’s nice not having to bump into someone just walking down the street. What do you like most about living in Los Angeles?

The weather. I mean, not having to hustle and bustle. But I do think the New York hustle can go a long way out here. Not to shit on people from LA, but all they do is drink coffee.

Oh yeah, and meditate.

Yeah, I’m gonna get rich out here.

Do you think you’ll keep it super Los Angeles and have gluten-free or carbless options?

That’s a question a lot of people have been asking me, but I don’t know. We’re probably not going to have gluten-free. You probably shouldn’t be eating sandwiches if you want gluten free. Like, go up the street and get a juice. Maybe I’ll give you a wrap. I’ll give you lettuce wrap with grilled chicken, but I don’t know about gluten-free. Gluten-free bread is not that great. Do we really want to attach our name to a dry, shitty sandwich?

Speaking of a dry and shitty sandwich, have you been keeping up with the Chris Brown stuff?

He’s innocent. I think a girl was just trying to come-up.

Did you see the interview with her on TMZ?

Yeah.

She’s nuts.

She’s nuts. She’s in the mix and has probably been to his house a million times and knows what’s up. And of course drugs were involved. And then there was someone who was selling jewelry at 3 am? I like that.

Have you ever been arrested?

Yeah, I have been arrested. When I was younger and dumb and I was doing graffiti as a kid and I was just in the streets being an idiot.

It’d be funny if you got arrested in LA for serving gluten-free bread. What is your take on Colin Kaepernick?

I don’t really know. I don’t know if I can speak on that. It’s a very touchy subject right now in America. We’ve got freedom of speech, so it’s a little ironic. He can do whatever he wants, really, but he’s working for an organization and he’s getting checks and it’s just a tricky situation. Maybe it wasn’t the right place to take a stand? Maybe it was? I don’t know.

Do you think the “Star Spangled Banner” should be replaced by another song? People were talking about replacing it with “America the Beautiful.”

That’s a good song.

I don’t even know it.

Yeah, I don’t know it either.

Do you have a suggestion on what song you think would work instead?

I don’t know.

“Toxic” by Britney Spears?

That’s a good one.

Have you been following up with what’s going on with Anthony Weiner?

Of course! He needs to figure out how to maneuver around the internet. I have creepy friends who do all this online dating stuff that could really show him how to not get caught. My boys could write a book on how to online date on the Tinders and the Rayas and all the other crazy fucking apps. Anthony Weiner has gotta figure this out, stop using Twitter DM and sending a dick pic out. The first time he did this, he sent a dick pic to his whole timeline. He just sends dick pics to a photo of a girl with no head, just a body, he doesn’t care. It’s pretty wild. He really has a problem. His wife left him like 20 minutes after they announced he got caught again, like she had it out on deck already, she had it written out just ready to send.

Do you have a favorite New York Post headline.

Yes, it’s, “Headless Body Found in Topless Bar.”

Do you read a lot?

Yeah, I read the paper. I keep up. You have to.

Astronomers recently discovered a strong radio signal from a star that’s 94 light years away from Earth. Some think this might be a sign of extraterrestrial life. What message do you think we should send back?

I think we just let them know we’re here, I guess. We know there’s other life, we know that. You’d be an asshole to think we’re the only intelligence out there. We got to be welcoming when we say hi. Maybe they can help us? What if we’re just their pawns and they’re controlling us!

It’d be good if they were like, “Listen, we’re going to create world peace, we’re going to cure Cancer, and we’re going to give everyone money.”

Yeah!

Speaking of money, if you could meet Trump tomorrow and say anything to him without penalty, what would it be?

Nice segway. I wouldn’t say anything. I’m not going to call him a dick, because he knows he’s a dick. You know, he’s a guy from Queens, like me, so he’s going to blow it off. So what am I going to say to this guy? Good luck out there? Break a leg? I’m not going to be mean to him, because that’s what he’s looking for.

In three words, how would you describe Hillary Clinton?

Full of shit?

Which rapper would you be okay with never hearing again?

There’s like four. The ones that all look alike. Uzi, Yachty, and then two other ones who look just like them. They all have the same hairstyle.

Will you watch Rob and Blac Chyna’s reality show?

One hundred percent.

Will you get married in the next five years? Asking for a friend.

Yeah.